lost a close loved one

[Zombie]

Hey guys, just coming here to just kind of "talk" as it kind of helps. Last night I found out my great bestest friend EVER had passed away last night. He was more then a friend though and he even knew that. He was more like a father to me. His name was Jose and I met him my freashman year in high school (so I was 13 I think). He was one of my teachers and we just got along. He also had a lawn/landscaping business after work and would let high schoolers work with him for money and stuff and I would do that with him. He was my teacher pretty much through high school I had his class. I think either junoir or senoir year is when I didn't but he was still there and we always remained close and he would come to my wrestling matches and we'd play b-ball in the morning or at lunch.

After high school we still kind of kept in touch but kind of lost touch for like 2-3 years because he moved further north of Albuqueruqe and I lived in Albuquerque and that's when I was married and having kiddos. Every now and then though I'd run into him and catch up on things. Finally after moving back to Bernalillo about 5 yrs ago and he did the same we kept in touch again. So we would go to the gym after work, he still had his landscaping business and bigger then ever and I would even still go out and help out for some extra money when needed. Then when I caught the wife cheating I let him know at that moment like after I had lead the ex outside of the house and waiting for the cops he was the first one to get there. He saw it as a very important thing and also making sure I was keeping my cool and didn't do anything stupid but left work and came over and ended up staying most of the night. I would say we probably even got closer since that moment.

Like I said he was there for me like a father. He got cancer about 3-4 years ago and I was there by his side through it the first time. He even told me how happy and proud I've turned out since kicking the ex out and taking responsibilty for my kids and taking care of them instead of letting her take them and then just doing whatever but I strapped down and became the responsible one. Also how I've stayed by his side his whole ordeal and how much that ment to him..

Well he ended up getting cancer again last year. It was the same "Pancreatic" cancer which is the most deadliest one. He survived it the first time and it went away, so we had high hopes he'd be able to get through this other one. He was in good shape, ate good, didn't smoke, rarely drank and if he did it was like 1 maybe 2 just to have during a meal or something never to get a buzz or drunk. But it didn't respond good this time and turned to two tumors and because they cut one out the first time they were unable to cut these ones out. One of the tumors went away but the other got bigger. So the last year has been pretty hard seeing him go through this and feeling worse then he did the first time. It was like watching someone get cut down litterly. He was like me about 200lbs and got cut down to 150 and even less... So definitely hard to see..

In late Feb or early March his Dr told him he had 1-3 mo's left to live because it just wasn't responding to any of the treatments and he was always weak and just bad... So he moved back to CA to be with his family as that's where he was from and that's where majority of them were still also his sister could help take care of him. He left in the middle/end of march and that was the alst time I saw him and that was the hardest thing to do because I knew deep down that might have been the last time I was going to ever see him...

It didn't hit me hard till we said our goodbye's, even the kids ro because he was real close with them and always loved them and would even go on their feild trips with them because I couldn't and or help out with school things/meetings. So he did alot for us. Even then he didn't look recognizable as it just cut him down to just skin basically so that was so hard seeing him like that and we only got like 20-30 mins to see him because he would just lose energy so couldnt be up and about for to long or handle to much company.

We'd text for like the first month he was there, then those were sporadic from him, like maybe 2 times a week or 3x's I'd get a response. Then turned to like once and we'd talk over the phone. It must have been 2 weeks ago I talked to him last and he was just coming out of a "phase" or something that hit him hard and he didn't remember anything and was always sleeping and was just out of it and people thought that might have been the time. He luckily pulled through and was feeling better and got around to calling everyone he could after that, I think he might have known deep down it was close to because the things he said. There was some small hope because his last catscan had showed the second tumor was responding to the new treatment and was getting smaller. But last week he got his with "amonia" (cant spell it, but you know what I mean) and that was it. He was in the hospital for a little over a week and yesterday they released him to go home for "Comfort Care"...

He lasted through the day and sometime in the night around 9-10pm CA time he passed away and I got the message shortly after.,,

It just feels like everything has stopped and all my breath was taken out of me. It's hit me a little but not yet, which I'm sure it will when I go down for the services this weekend or early next week. He was a great man that did so much for people and was just great to be around. He wasn't shy and could joke and talk with anyone, he just had that "people person" gift. Always laughing and smiling. Like everyone here in Bernalillo knew him. He was just great to be around. Like I said I couldn't even count how many times he had been there for me. This is the hardest thing to have hit me in my life as I never lost anyone so close to me like him. I know my real dad but he was never around. Thats why I say he was like my real father. He was the one that helped me through the really tough times of getting off my addiction. So it's just really really tough and helps I write about it here and where people know me as it helps to remember the good things.

Well I better get going, just thought I'd share. I'll probably be going to CA this weekend. Then its back to normal days. I just wish I had the chance to have seen him one last time or even talk to him yesterday. Just to say goodbye, I was planning to call him today or tomorrow to let him get settled back home and get some rest and was going to call but now I'll never be able to do that. I know he's in a better place now free from the pain and diesise he had, so I just pray he continues to look down on me and just pray he gets to the best place he would want.

thanks guys for your time...
_________________

[j3a]

hey zombie
so sorry to hear that, bud.
it's so unfortunate that things like that seem to always happen to such good people. cancer is such a horrible disease - there are so many forms of it, and it can strike anyone, no matter their age, sex, or race... i just read recently that the odds are 1 in 3 that a man will get some form of cancer, and a woman's odds are 1 in 4 - can you believe that!?
well, like you said - at least he is free from pain now, and is in a better place. i know it must be extremely hard to deal with, but take comfort in the fact that he is now much better off than he was when he was here on earth.
thanks for sharing - i know it helps to talk about it...
my condolences to you, your family, and his...

take care

[nebraska]

Hey Zombie

I am truly so very sorry to hear about the passing of your really good and great friend. From what you wrote about him he sounded like a great and caring man. I am really glad for you though, that you got to experiance and share some of your life with such a true friend.

I know it hit you really hard. Losing people we care about is always such a difficult thing to deal with. Keep your feelings and emotions true. It helps to get over the sorrow and pain. But always remember the good things and why he was such a great guy and true friend. You will have a lifetime full of happy memories of times that you guys shared. And you will continue to do the things that you learned from him and he taught you. So, he will forever be with you and a part of the person that you are today. That's a really great tribute to what your friend did for you as a person.

Stay strong, and stay well my friend. You are a strong guy Zombie. You have already proven that to yourself and everyone else. You will get through this sad and difficult time. And you will have a lifetime full of great memories and many hours and days ahead of laughter. Whenever thoughts come you on some of the things that you guys shared over the years.

I will keep good thoughts and prayers for you Zombie. But you are going to get through this situation and always have a part of your friend still living with you.



Blessings

nebraska

[tyger]

Zombie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. True friends are so hard to come by. When you do find one, you treasure him and hold onto him tight. You two were very lucky to have found one another.

I lost my father to lung cancer almost eight years ago. My aunt beat breast cancer ten years ago. A co-worker has been battling breast cancer for the past three years now but unfortunately discovered a new tumor a few weeks ago. She's undergoing new treatment to see if it will shrink the tumor in time. Cancer is such a plague in our lives. I like to think we'll see a cure in our lifetimes but I'm not sure.

Zombie, you've have a lifetime of great memories to ease you through this difficult time. If you need to vent or to just talk, just holla back here if you need to vent. We'll be here if you need us. The best thing you can do to honor your friend is by applying the things he's taught you and continue to be the best man and father you can.

Tyger

[mt]

Sorry to hear, Zombie. It's an emotional rollercoaster having to deal with the loss of a loved one. Find peace in the memories.
_________________
In a perfect world, you get all Alley, all the time.

[AlleyBaggett]

My heart and love goes out to you!

Keep being the strong person that you are deep down inside.

Love ya,

ALLEY

_________________
xoxoxo
ALLEY!

AlleyBaggett.Net - The Official Site
http://www.alleybaggett.net

[Zombie]

hey guys, thanks everyone for your condolences. I just got back bout an hour ago from California. We (me and his nephews that lived down here) left last Sunday around 11am and got there about 12pm. Then the services was Mon and Tue. Those two days were the hardest for me. I don't think I've ever cried or broke down like that ever before or at least ever in my adult life. I've never truly lost someone that close to me before. My uncle passed away beginning of this year I believe or like around xmas time I think? Can't remember the exact date, but we weren't like THAT close but close and it did hurt and I got choked up and tears. But this was totally different.


I also was probably the only one who took it the hardest, but ptobably because most of the people there was his family and people that had seen him his last days where as the last time I saw him was like early March before he moved back to Cali once the Dr told him he only have about 1-3 months left to live and then talked to him over the phone about 2 weeks before he passed so like 3 weeks now. Of course we always texted like everyday the first couple of months but he just went downhill from there so it was rare he was able to text and I had the chance to go see hime like 2 weeks or a week before he passed when one of his nephews from here was going up to see him but I just didn't have the money to either go by car or any other way which he understood (thats about the last time I talked to him over the phone because after that he got amonia (sp?) (I can never spell the right word) shortly after and thats when his body just started to shut down.

So I think that's why I took it the hardest, I didn't get that "closure" that I probably needed that everyone else did that was with him the night he passed. Also, it was really really weird. The night of the rosery, when I first broke down and probably the hardest I was just sitting there crying and like praying/thinking to myself about him and the things we talked about and did as well as like asking him things like in my mind if I was praying to him just on what should I do, how do I get to move on, just things like that, and while the preacher was talking I kind of fell asleep a little. By then my eyes were puffy, red, and just felt wore out.

When I awoke again though it was like kind of right away, also just before the preacher person started to ask if "anyone" would have liked to come up to say something. Now i'm SHY! Like so shy that I still can't even really talk in front of my "team" at work or like give a presentation and them I see, talk, hang out with all day everyday at work. Also Shy that I just can't go up and talk to just anybody... But something got me to get up and talk, and I just talked about who I was and why I had came down and what he ment to me like being a father towards me and just other things because at that time I was the only one that was from here New Mexico that made the trip up there for the service (the next day his roommate came, well he showed up late mon night for the funeral) and just talked about how many people he had touched in their lives and helped while he lived out here.

I also to felt more calm, like I had nothing more to cry but also more at peace like if I had my closure with him during that little dozing off I had. But still in front of a whole room of people I still havent met yet even though I met most of them. It was just really strange. Then after I was being told I gave one of the best speeches and I did really really good. Heck even made them cry, because he was just a good man all around.

To more, and I've seen this my whole life, it seems like the people that live by the "rules" of "life" or even just the law, they've never done any bad or if they had it was like in their youth but even then wasn't "bad" just normal stuff people do growing up. Yet they are the one's to be taken and or put in a very bad position. Like my cousin who to was a good kid, never got in trouble, always respected his elders no matter who, didn't drink, smoke or do drugs but when we all got in an accident back in 1996 he was the one to get hurt the worst and go paralized from the neck down (even though he could kind of move his arms slightly but not like me or you can) and then my friend who has been like a father to me since I met him in high school as one of my teachers when I was 13 and then like a grandparent to my children and had always been there during my tough times was taken. Which I'm sure everyone has seen or notice that it's always the "good" people that things happen to. You have drunk drivers that wipe out innocent familes yet they walk away without a scratch. So that was also to why it was just so so hard.

Tuesday during the funeral was a little hard, but it wasn't as hard/bad as Monday. Monday just hit me like a train, but I truly think something "spiritual" might have happened or I had my closure with him during that moment I kind of nodded off. Also again on Tuesday I don't know how but was able to get up and say my last words as well and again was praised with what I had said even though was completely different. I didn't cry or break down as much, although I did a little, especially the closing of the casket and then when they lowered it, but again I finally felt at peace with him and know he wasn't mad or upset that I wasn't able to be with him one last time before he passed.

So we just got back like 90 mins ago, well a little longer but I've been home finally for like 90 mins. Completely wore out and exhuasted. Didn't do anything the first 3 days being there but then Thur and Fri they took me out to one of their brothers house who lives on the coast in Los Osos I think it was, and I finally saw the ocean in person and even kind of gotten in it even though it was freezing ice cold. Even then he was in my thoughts and just thinking of him and like "speaking" to him in my head as well as prayed while out on the beach. That was Morro Bay I believe it's called and spelled. THen Fri we went to Pismo Beach. Sat we kind of started to head home but the directions was through L.A. and I wanted to see that area so that's where we went and spent the day/night there and left L.A./Hollywood like around 2am. We got lost in Beverly Hills trying to find a Wal-Mart on "Crenshaw Blvd" lol

Some lady at a Jiffy Lube told us to go up on Sunset Blvd till we saw Crenshaw and then make a left there and go down to a "King" st and it would be right right there. Well she didn't mention that Crenshaw doesn't hit Sunset and we were supposed to go down like one of the side/diagonal st's that would and then to King from there. So once we went through most of Bev Hills we turned around and finally got better directions. (Who know's maybe I passed Alley's house or even her herself out there and didn't know it???? ) Then the Walmart was pretty amazing for a walmart. It was 3 stories. I've never seen it like that and being part of a mall on top of that. So that was cool. Then we got back to Sunset, ate at an In and Out Burger because we don't have that here in Abq NM and they kept telling me how good it was and then parked somewhere on Sunset and just walked down till we passed the hwy 101 and then went up to Hollywood Blvd and walked all the way down to the Chiniese Mann Theater to see all the stars on the sidewalk and handprints. Also had a bacon wrapped hotdog off a cart on the sidewalk which of course we dont have that either and that was the bomb as well lol. Then also while walking back we/I had a "NY Style" pizza and that slice was HUGE! I couldn't even eat it all and that was one of the best pizza's I've ever tasted ever!

The women down there are MEAN though! We tried talking to them or just saying "hi" or whatever just being friendly and flat out ignored us, we weren't dressed bad or ghetto nor had we been drinking. If anything we were probably like the only sober non high on drugs people out there. Just enjoying the sights, food, and all and they were just silent but deadly we called it lol. Oh well, I'm sure Alley isn't mean like that though we also drove down Rodeo Dr and man the stores there and cars, hell even the cars that were up and down those St's were tight as hell. We felt "under-car'd" lol cause we were in a mini-van and all the nice cars around us. You know how like if your dressed down but everyone is all dressed in suits and real nice, like that kind of feeling but in a car lol. It was fun and amazing trip though and I can't wait to go back sometime on a different occasion and see/do more then what we were able to. Oh we did see the Hollywood sign on the mountain that was cool also.

So that's why I haven't been around the last week, but I feel alot better that I was able to get out there for the services. I think I would have hurt longer if I didn't go out. Sorry bout the novel again, but just got to typing and all so might as well as kind of explain most of the trip. But it was definitely a cool experiance. We left around 2am'ish I belive and got back to Abq NM at around 2pm (would have been 1 but we lost an hour after leaving CA's state line) and I and the other people who drove were going like 90-100mph so that's why got so good time. Oh and the freeways were CRAZY!!! Man I don't know how people can go through that day in and out. But it's nice, there's green everywhere! Up where we first went like towards Fresno just nothing but fruit tree's/bushes and rows and rows of em. You come here to NM it's nothing but desert like lol surprisingly though it wasn't humid. I thought it would have been but it wasnt. A little by the coast but not bad at all. It was cold over there, had to actually use the heater a few times lol..

Well thanks again for reading and everyones responces. It means alot to me and I'm glad I'm able to talk with you all about things like this. I'll try to post the small amount of pics we got once I get them on the cpu...

Jake
_________________

[tyger]

I'm glad you had an enjoyable end to your week. It sounded like you needed to say goodbye to your friend. I guess when you 'fell asleep' in the church, it was your way of making peace with him and finding closure. Some of us never do and it haunts us for the rest of our lives. I'm glad you were able to stand up and be able to tell those people what he did and meant to you. He was probably smiling down on you from heaven, prouder of you than he had ever been before.

Sorry about your experience with the California women. As you know, I've only dealt with one. Hopefully, you'll make another trip to Cali and your experience will be a little better. The first time I went to California was in 2004 for the Comic Con in San Diego to see our fair Alley. I saw nothing but gorgeous women the minute I stepped off the plane. Although I didn't talk to any, one thing kept running through my mind: Man, I wish they could ALL be California girls!!!